ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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