There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
