I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
