What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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