I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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