Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
