Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
