The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
