Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
this is an emotional support booty call
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
