You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
