Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize