Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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