You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
