I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
