ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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