I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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