I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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