dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
