I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Too much gin, very little bucket
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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