maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
