He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
