I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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