its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize