can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My liver just broke up with me...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
