i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
