My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
