I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
