I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
