i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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