listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
