All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
