Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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