Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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