the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize