R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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