nut hugger
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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