Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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