that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
