I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
