Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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