I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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