have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
