The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
