3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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