I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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