So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
