I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
