After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
