You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That accounts for only three of the penises
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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