i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
