Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
