JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
