two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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