I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I believe in your delicious
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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