in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
