dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
