so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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