On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
