the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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