hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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