No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I need a burrito and a hug.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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