I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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