just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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