I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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