you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
