I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
