I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
