i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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