i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
