Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
