Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize