I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
