Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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