broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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