Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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