Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
