dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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