lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
